I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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