so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
