why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
