so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
