i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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