you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
