Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize