2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
