If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize