I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize