Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
