i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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