is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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