the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize