i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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