i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
