Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I want to have your abortion
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
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