So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize