I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
