i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
