Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
