It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
