took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
