i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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