somebody snuck up and got me drunk
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
