I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
