Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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