Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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