K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do vagina's smell?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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