The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
