i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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