I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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