Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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