dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
