yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
