quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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