did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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