i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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