I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
