i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
