We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
