And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
