Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
