dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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