I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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