So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
