Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
