Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize