I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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