there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
