I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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