party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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