Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
