So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Randomize
