Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
