thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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