I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
