OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
