Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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