i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
