He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
