you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
