i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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