I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's official drugs can't kill me
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
