Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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