And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
