I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
