What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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