I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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