when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
