its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize