Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
