I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
