My first STD was from a foam party
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
