Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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