We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
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