it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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