the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You were trust falling into bushes
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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