I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
