She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
