If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
