Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
