we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
