no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
