in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
