thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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