what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
