Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
