in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Randomize
