I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
well you can't waste a boner
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I have fence marks all over my body
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize