honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
