I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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