so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
