I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
