Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
