I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
