True but thats because hes a fetus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
