So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
my poor anus
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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