the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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