I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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