I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
